Meltdown at 30 Weeks

Today, I had a meltdown. It started from such a minor event…but apparently that is all it takes these days. I woke up this morning…moved my arms and legs around as my “exercises” call for…and took a shower. My step dad made breakfast, while I started to write my latest blog entry. I took a break from writing when my mom brought over a plate full of delicious French toast. After breakfast, my parents left for the grocery store and the writing began again. I wrote about Christmas and the latest victories with the baby. I finished up the writing and my last step was to change the font and color. However, when I highlighted the text…it disappeared. I don’t know what happened…but before I could figure it out, the blogger site did an automatic save (like it does every minute or so). Perfect…I sure am glad it saved a blank page after about an hour of work to write the words that had disappeared just seconds before. There is no “undo” button…it was lost. And I lost it.

With a few swear words, I slammed my computer shut and left the room before I started balling in front of my husband and his brother. I went into our bedroom and I just couldn’t stop crying. It was stupid to have such a strong reaction…I will blame it on hormones again. It was about 10 minutes before Nick came in and just cuddled up next to me. With snot bubbles blocking my breathing, a tear-streaked face, and the trembling from uncontrollable crying, he held me and gently rubbed my back and legs. After about 30 minutes, I was able to pull myself together enough to go splash water on my face and take out my contacts before they turned to a foggy mess (as they always do a short while after crying).

Nick decided to give me a little space, grabbing Tony to head out for an errand and leave the house quiet. So I began to recreate the blog entry that I tried to write earlier. It went a little something like this…

Merry Christmas everyone! Christmas is technically over…but I don’t really feel like it has really happened. My normal holiday festivities are filled with games and surrounded by people and lots of loud energy (as demonstrated in this photo from Christmas a couple years ago). I have 5 sisters and 9 nieces and nephews, and although it is rare that we are all together for every holiday…there is usually between 15 and 20 people at any one event. In the last couple years we have not only had the crazy energy of my family in Washington or Idaho…but also made the cross-country trip out to Virginia to enjoy the fun, laughter and gingerbread-house-making competition with Nick’s mom, ZZ, Matt and Colleen.

This Christmas it is me, Nick, Nick’s brother Tony, and my parents. We have been playing games…mostly cards. In fact, Nick and I have an on-going Spades tournament that we have decided to keep running until the baby comes. We decided to go light on the gifts this year. We purchased and shipped gifts for my nieces and nephews, and Nick’s family. However, the adults in my family decided to hold off on exchanging gifts. Most of my sisters are going to try to make it down when the baby is born…so we may exchange presents then. Nick and I decided to give each other a crib. It is beautiful…but it won’t be here for another 3 weeks. We did get a big package from my oldest sister, Kelly. Just after being put on bed rest, she and my nephew, Aiden started putting together a care package. It arrived on Christmas Eve and was filled with so many games, toys, baby books, and baby blankets/towels/outfits/etc. My favorite thing in the box was a can of soup. When Kelly asked her son what he thought I needed to help me feel better laying in bed…of course he said soup! It make me laugh! It hasn’t been a bad Christmas…just different than what I am used to.

But we have plenty to celebrate! Today, I am 30 weeks pregnant. According to the medical world…this is a huge milestone. The NICU doctor that came and talked to me while I was still in the hospital indicated that a baby born after 30 weeks had nearly no risk of long term effects from a premature birth. He also indicated that the survival rate at this gestational age is 97-98%...which is the same survival rate as a full term baby. Don’t get me wrong…we have a long way to go yet. My youngest sister, Ariel, is a nurse. She said that every day in the mom’s womb equals 2-3 days that the baby doesn’t have to be in the NICU.

At this week’s ultrasound, we saw 3D images that show that the baby’s cheeks are getting chubbier! The baby is approximately 17 inches and weighs just over 3 lbs. We had a piece of meat in our freezer that was about the size of our baby…and I was amazed to think that something that size is in my belly. Although it is getting bigger, my abdomen doesn’t seem like that baby and all of my organs could fit in there. I suppose that it is pretty crowded in there. I am feeling many kicks and punches, and probably some knees and elbows as well. The activity level has been really high in the last few days...and I love it. This was the part of pregnancy that I was most looking forward to.

At this week’s OB appointment, we learned that at 36 weeks I will be able to get up and move around like “normal.” I don’t really know what normal means…and I didn’t ask for details because right now I am just taking this whole thing a day at a time. However, it did give me a little something to look forward to. My goal is to stay pregnant for at least 36 weeks (considered full term). That would mean that I am almost half way through my bed rest….