Changes to the body

Today, I am 34 weeks. I have two more weeks and I will be “set free.” I cannot believe that it has been over 9 weeks that I have been laying down…so two weeks should go by pretty fast. At 36 weeks my doctor will no longer prevent me from having the baby. I can get up, go for walks, go to the movies, do household chores, and even go to work. I will not longer be working from my couch, which is a pretty good thing considering that my belly is starting to out-grow the space under my laptop desk. I mean seriously...how can that belly fit under a 10 inch tall, by 20 inch wide space for much longer.

We have big plans for the week that I get off bed rest. Within 7 days of my release, in addition to working a full week in the office, we are going to take maternity photos, I am going to have a belly casting done, and I have a maternity spa day scheduled. The spa day is the use of a gift card that Nick got me when I finished the 3 day walk. I was supposed to have the massage and facial treatments the following weekend after I walked 60 miles…but instead we spent that time in the hospital. So I am going to take full advantage of his sweet gift now! As for the photos and belly casting…I have always wanted to do them! For some reason I want to make sure that there are multiple records of how big I grew during my pregnancy.

Speaking of growth…I have actually done really well with it. At my appointment this week I measured 32 centimeters. The measurement is from the pubic bone to the top of my uterus and should be plus or minus one centimeter from my gestational age. So I was 33 weeks and a couple days…and measured 32. Right on track! My weight is also growing…a bit more than I would like this week. All together I have gained about 25 pounds, which is not bad at all. However, 4 or 5 of them have been in the last couple of weeks. It seems like I have been retaining a little water weight. At least I think it is water. I feel a little swollen these days and my bras have been cutting into my skin and leaving ugly indentations on my skin. Hopefully if I just cut out a bit of my salt intake it will get better.

I really shouldn’t complain…I know that some of this is just the way pregnancy goes. In fact, I was experiencing some serious swollen ankles in the earlier stages of my pregnancy. But ever since I started spending 98% of all of my hours laying down…swollen ankles are not an issue. I also have not gotten a single stretch mark yet (good for the photos we are going to take) and my belly button is still an “inny”…at least for a little while longer. I normally have a very deep belly button and it has gradually become more and more shallow. We will see how long it holds out.

Yep…in two weeks we will be able to go back to a normal life. It may only be for 2 days…it may be for another 5 weeks. Normal…until the baby comes and changes our world forever…

A busy couple of weeks

Today, I am 32 weeks and one day. Again…32 is a big number. And it has been a couple of big weeks! Once I made it past 30 weeks, and was demonstrating some emotional difficulty, my doctor gave me a night of “good behavior leave.” On December 30th I was allowed to venture a block from my house to go to Jenn and Alex’s holiday party. It was an exciting adventure because I was able to get dressed up and do a little socializing. Although they live in the complex directly behind ours and in normal conditions we would just hop the fence, Nick and I chose to drive…a good choice. We arrived early so that I could claim my spot on the couch…because I still had to be horizontal. But their couch was comfortable and everyone was great about making sure that I had anything I wanted to drink or eat. It was fun to have people attend to my belly and engage in conversation about my pregnancy. Although I couldn’t fully participate in all of the festivities of the evening…it was exactly what I needed!

New Year’s Eve was more exciting than a regular day. We had our weekly ultrasound scheduled and because Nick didn’t have to work, we decided to do the trip without my parents. The ultrasound tech did the usual fluid check and heart rate. But during this trip, she also took the measurements of the baby to determine the weight. At 30 weeks and 5 days, our baby was 4 pounds…in the 68th percentile. A big, strong, healthy baby! My heart was singing to hear this news. Now I just have to get Nick to stop lovingly calling our child a “porker!” After our appointment we made a quick stop at World Market to pick up some furniture that we purchased. The rest of the day was taking down Christmas decorations and putting together a coffee table and some chairs. We also purchased a cabinet to display our new china…but that would have to wait until the next day! Instead we were focusing on our dinner plans…Fondue!

My friend Elena had brought us all of her Fondue stuff so that we could do something special for New Year’s Eve. I looked up recipes and my parents & Nick worked hard to prepare all of the dips and dippers! I did help out by grating all of the cheese…which, although I didn’t have to leave the couch, it was still challenging to do laying down. We had two different cheeses…an oil concoction to cook the beef and shrimp…and lots of veggies & bread to dip. Then for desert we had fruit and pound cake and biscotti to dip into two delicious flavors of chocolate. It was delicious. Other than the moment when I caught my napkin on fire and burned my finger…it was perfect. I fell asleep while watching the party in Times Square, but Nick woke me up in time to see the ball drop and receive a first kiss of the New Year. 2010 is going to be awesome!

My parents left the next day to the Grand Canyon for a couple of days. It was a cold adventure for them…but I think it was good for them to get out of the house. They have been amazing and so helpful…and I am sure that they were happy to do something that wasn’t about me for a couple days. So it was just Nick and I for the rest of the weekend. We hung out, watched movies and didn’t do much of anything on Saturday. It was the true definition of a lazy day with both of us asking what we had done with the day before going to bed. The answer…nothing. Sunday was actually pretty productive! We put up our China in the new cabinet. By “we” I mean that Nick unpacked it and stacked it near me so I could peel of the stickers on each piece…then he actually put it all up while I commented and corrected from the couch. Boy…I have a patient family! Nick was so cute…he wanted to make sure that everything was clean and organized when my parents returned so that they would know that he could take care of me in their absence. I love him.

This last week has been crazy busy with work. Two days of my team in my living room, practicing a workshop that we are putting on in 20 different cities starting at the end of January. They were doing a dry run for the consultant team in our office on Thursday and Friday and we had some additional changes that needed to be made. They worked unbelievably hard this week…including still being at the office at 1:30am on Wednesday night. I am so grateful that I have a team of people that work so hard and take so much pride in what we do…even with satellite management from me. I too had some long days of working…and Nick has managed to catch a cold…so this weekend we have been putting in some serious rest. Today for me is all about online shopping for baby stuff and maybe finishing my first knitting project of a scarf. I am almost out of yarn…and then I will have to do some doctoring of the holes that are found randomly throughout my amateur work! It is amazing…I have been on bed rest for 7 and a half weeks. Almost 2 months. And I haven’t accomplished nearly as much as I thought that I would…

Meltdown at 30 Weeks

Today, I had a meltdown. It started from such a minor event…but apparently that is all it takes these days. I woke up this morning…moved my arms and legs around as my “exercises” call for…and took a shower. My step dad made breakfast, while I started to write my latest blog entry. I took a break from writing when my mom brought over a plate full of delicious French toast. After breakfast, my parents left for the grocery store and the writing began again. I wrote about Christmas and the latest victories with the baby. I finished up the writing and my last step was to change the font and color. However, when I highlighted the text…it disappeared. I don’t know what happened…but before I could figure it out, the blogger site did an automatic save (like it does every minute or so). Perfect…I sure am glad it saved a blank page after about an hour of work to write the words that had disappeared just seconds before. There is no “undo” button…it was lost. And I lost it.

With a few swear words, I slammed my computer shut and left the room before I started balling in front of my husband and his brother. I went into our bedroom and I just couldn’t stop crying. It was stupid to have such a strong reaction…I will blame it on hormones again. It was about 10 minutes before Nick came in and just cuddled up next to me. With snot bubbles blocking my breathing, a tear-streaked face, and the trembling from uncontrollable crying, he held me and gently rubbed my back and legs. After about 30 minutes, I was able to pull myself together enough to go splash water on my face and take out my contacts before they turned to a foggy mess (as they always do a short while after crying).

Nick decided to give me a little space, grabbing Tony to head out for an errand and leave the house quiet. So I began to recreate the blog entry that I tried to write earlier. It went a little something like this…

Merry Christmas everyone! Christmas is technically over…but I don’t really feel like it has really happened. My normal holiday festivities are filled with games and surrounded by people and lots of loud energy (as demonstrated in this photo from Christmas a couple years ago). I have 5 sisters and 9 nieces and nephews, and although it is rare that we are all together for every holiday…there is usually between 15 and 20 people at any one event. In the last couple years we have not only had the crazy energy of my family in Washington or Idaho…but also made the cross-country trip out to Virginia to enjoy the fun, laughter and gingerbread-house-making competition with Nick’s mom, ZZ, Matt and Colleen.

This Christmas it is me, Nick, Nick’s brother Tony, and my parents. We have been playing games…mostly cards. In fact, Nick and I have an on-going Spades tournament that we have decided to keep running until the baby comes. We decided to go light on the gifts this year. We purchased and shipped gifts for my nieces and nephews, and Nick’s family. However, the adults in my family decided to hold off on exchanging gifts. Most of my sisters are going to try to make it down when the baby is born…so we may exchange presents then. Nick and I decided to give each other a crib. It is beautiful…but it won’t be here for another 3 weeks. We did get a big package from my oldest sister, Kelly. Just after being put on bed rest, she and my nephew, Aiden started putting together a care package. It arrived on Christmas Eve and was filled with so many games, toys, baby books, and baby blankets/towels/outfits/etc. My favorite thing in the box was a can of soup. When Kelly asked her son what he thought I needed to help me feel better laying in bed…of course he said soup! It make me laugh! It hasn’t been a bad Christmas…just different than what I am used to.

But we have plenty to celebrate! Today, I am 30 weeks pregnant. According to the medical world…this is a huge milestone. The NICU doctor that came and talked to me while I was still in the hospital indicated that a baby born after 30 weeks had nearly no risk of long term effects from a premature birth. He also indicated that the survival rate at this gestational age is 97-98%...which is the same survival rate as a full term baby. Don’t get me wrong…we have a long way to go yet. My youngest sister, Ariel, is a nurse. She said that every day in the mom’s womb equals 2-3 days that the baby doesn’t have to be in the NICU.

At this week’s ultrasound, we saw 3D images that show that the baby’s cheeks are getting chubbier! The baby is approximately 17 inches and weighs just over 3 lbs. We had a piece of meat in our freezer that was about the size of our baby…and I was amazed to think that something that size is in my belly. Although it is getting bigger, my abdomen doesn’t seem like that baby and all of my organs could fit in there. I suppose that it is pretty crowded in there. I am feeling many kicks and punches, and probably some knees and elbows as well. The activity level has been really high in the last few days...and I love it. This was the part of pregnancy that I was most looking forward to.

At this week’s OB appointment, we learned that at 36 weeks I will be able to get up and move around like “normal.” I don’t really know what normal means…and I didn’t ask for details because right now I am just taking this whole thing a day at a time. However, it did give me a little something to look forward to. My goal is to stay pregnant for at least 36 weeks (considered full term). That would mean that I am almost half way through my bed rest….

It is Hard to Eat Soup Sideways

There are many things that are easy to eat when you are on bed rest...fruit, crackers & cheese, just about any kind of finger food. Soup is definitely not one that is easy. And it is December...isn't that the perfect time of year for soup? I love it, and my parents have been great about making me a variety of home-made soups. My favorite is tomato. For breakfast I also love to eat cereal...another challenging thing to eat while on bed rest. The horizontal position is just not ideal for putting a spoonful of liquid in my mouth. I will typically need to wipe my chin with every bite. I guess maybe it is practice for wiping the chin of our little one in a few months when we are feeding him or her.

Speaking of him or her...it is AMAZING that we still do not know the sex of our precious little one. We have had 9 ultrasounds in the time that we could have learned the sex, and yet everyone has been great about keeping it a secret. I am impressed. I think that there are some friends and family members of ours that are not happy with that. We have heard many complaints about our desire to keep it a surprise...And we have had many guesses based on all the wives tales. The heart rate is pretty fast..it must be a girl. Uhhh...maybe not because the heart rate is sometimes at a lower rate. I am carrying pretty high...it must be a boy. Or maybe not because my mom carried high and she had 4 beautiful baby girls. Then there are the people that have no reason for their claim of "it is definitely a _____" other than that they have never been wrong. Some of them are going to be wrong for the first time because we have had people claim both boy and girl in this manner. It is pretty funny.

Christmas is just around the corner and I have done the majority of our shopping on-line. For the most part it has been pretty easy. Only a couple of cancelled orders due to items being out of stock. I had a bit of a melt down this morning trying to figure out what happened to these items...but I am better now. I think we are pretty much set for the holidays.

I have been on bed rest for 4 weeks and 3 days. I am 29 weeks pregnant today! Thanks to all of my friends and family for your supportive words and actions. It looks like I might survive this after all.

The things a mom will do for her child

Well...I know that I left off on day 10 and coming home from the hospital. However, in real time, I have been on bed rest now for 3 weeks and 2 days. The time is actually going by fairly quickly so far...thank God!


My usual day starts with getting up around 6:30am, when my husband is leaving for work. I will typically do a series of "exercises" that were given to me by the physical therapist in the hospital. They are not a workout by any definition...I just lay on the floor and move my arms and legs around in several different directions...but I suppose that they help with circulation (and my doctor says they are necessary so that I don't get blood clots). Then it is time for work. I have my office set up on the couch and coffee table of my living room. I have purchased a big foam wedge from Amazon.com that provides some additional support, as well as a tray that holds my laptop over my belly and at an angle so I can type while I lay down. I also chose to upgrade my phone and my service plan so that I have enough minutes to conduct meetings on my phone. I have had many meetings by phone...and a few in my living room with my team. I think that both my team and myself need to see each other face to face from time to time. It makes me feel better. The biggest down-side of my new work situation is the inability to get up and walk into someone's office when I have an idea or need to resolve an issue. Email and phones really limit the ability to connect and get decisions made quickly. But overall, I have been pretty productive from my new office.


In the evenings I have been doing a variety of things. Watching TV, reading a juicy novel, sending out thank you cards from our wedding (almost done with them finally), and playing games with Nick and my mom. Scrabble and Cribbage are the two primary ones. Nick's mom and ZZ have started a "puzzle of the week" club for me. I have received two...and completed one. I think the second may be a fun activity today. I ordered some materials to learn how to crochet and knit...but they haven't arrived yet. Once they do...watch out friends and family...everyone is getting scarves for Christmas. That is IF I can actually figure it out!


Today, I am 28 weeks pregnant. And for the most part...I feel good! Since coming home we have had two appointments with my OB and two ultrasounds. (These are exciting outings because they are the only times that I get to leave the house.) All appointments have gone great...all is stable. My cervix is still 1.5 centimeters, my fluid is looking great, baby's heart rate and umbilical cord flow are strong, and the baby is growing and getting stronger every day! So the bedrest, Motrin every six hours, and daily progesterone appear to be working.


There are a few days that have been a little rough. Nothing physical...but emotionally challenging. Between the frustration of the situation, being a little stir crazy, feeling lazy as people wait on me, fear about the health of my baby, fear about what this means for future kids, watching my husband leave for his "normal" daily adventures while I lay on the couch, and the normal pregnancy hormones, I have had a few days that my eyes felt like taking a swim. And once they start flowing...it is tough to make them stop. I don't mean to sound like I am whining, because I know that there are women out there who have had much more difficult pregnancies than mine. And I have an incredible support system between my husband, my parents, my sisterns, Nick's mom & ZZ, his dad and Kim, and a bunch of friends who call and check in and even come to see us every once in a while. But sometimes...I apparently need to have a pity party for one.


In looking at the title to this entry...you might think that I was talking about myself. And there is no doubt that women on bedrest are sacrificing a lot for their child. However, I am not talking about myself. I am talking about my mom.


She flew into town the day that we were released from the hospital. She would have been here sooner if I had given her the go-ahead...but there wasn't much she could do to help when we were in the hospital. But since we have been home, she has been a HUGE help. She got a one-way ticket to be here (with my step-dad, Keith to follow about 10 days later). They are planning to stay as long as we need them...or until we kick them out, we joke.


My mom makes sure that I have a steady supply of food and beverage at all times of the day. She wants to make sure that I have what I need for a "gentle grazing," as she calls it. She is making all of the meals for both Nick and myself...and we feel a little spoiled having home cooked dinner every night! She made stewed prunes (to help with my digestion) a couple times, and oatmeal cookies (my favorite) one day, as well as hot cocoa a couple of times. And not the kind that you microwave some water and pour in a packet of Swiss Miss...but the kind that you heat milk on the stove and is topped with marshmallows and a dash of cinnamon.


When I get up to go to the bathroom, she is there to help with my pillows & computer tray. She ensures that I have my legs snuggled into the blanket in the morning when it is still a little chilly, and comes to help me remove it when she sees me trying to kick it off when it gets a little warm in the afternoon. She has also given me periodic massages to help with the stiffness that laying around all day can cause in one's body. AND...on her first day here she cleaned out the filter of our vaccum, pulled our dryer out and cleaned the lint from the big tube between the dryer and the wall! I guess those are some of the things that Nick and I don't think much about. She even put up all of our Christmas decor and decorated our tree so that I have something beautiful to look at in my narrow scope of vision throughout the day.


Yep...at the first noise that I make in the morning, she is up and ready to assist. And she doesn't go to bed until after I have retired for the evening. She has been a blessing for my entire life...and this situation is no exception. With the things she does for her children, I look at her with amazement and hope that I too can be that great of a mom someday. (But not for several more weeks...do you hear that baby?)

Going home on Saturday? Maybe not...

We had been living in the hospital for over a week under a consistent routine. I was taking my ibuprofen every 6 hours, the progesterone suppository each night before I went to bed. It was not very exciting...but the plan was to go home on Saturday, November 28th...when I reached a gestational age of 26 weeks. As long as everything was good in an ultrasound on Friday morning, we would go home.

Friday morning, I woke up around 7:30...which is sleeping in for my regular life. I thought I should probably start to rally, given that the day-time nurse would be in at any time. The nursing staff works 12 hour shifts and the shift changes are at 7pm and 7am. Every day between 7:30 and 8:00am, and 7:30 and 8:00pm, a new nurse comes into my room and checks all the usual vitals, asks me a series of questions about my bodily functions, and hooks me up to the baby monitor for a half hour to listen to the heart beat. It is a routine that I have become accustomed to. This morning was a little different...

Laying there, I was in heaven listening to the sweet sound of our baby's heart beat and the fun rumble of the monitor that happens each time the baby moves...and our baby moves often. I had grown to look forward to these times of listening to the baby. It is as though the bond between us strengthened with each beat.

About 15 minutes into the routine 30 minute monitoring, I felt my tummy tighten...I was having a contraction. It wasn't painful...they never were, but this one definitely caught my attention. As I was coming down from the contraction...so did the baby's heart rate. It went from 158 beats per minute, to 140s, to 120s...all the way down to 105. It then began to slowly climb back up. Within a couple minutes, the nurse came back in and from the look on her face, I knew that she was concerned too. "Did you see the heart rate drop?" she asked. I told her that I did see it and asked what it means when it follows a contraction. She indicated that she didn't see a contraction, but that the monitors don't always pick them up. She told me to trust what I felt over the monitor.

Apparently, it can be especially hard to get the contraction monitor in good placement when I also have the baby monitor on because my belly is so small. (It is funny to think of my belly as small right now...I guess it is all a matter of perspective.) "Well, it is a little concerning that the baby's heart rate would decelerate like that, so we are going to keep you on the monitor for a while." I soon learn that "a while" actually means for at least 24 hours. They wanted to watch the baby and make sure that it was just a fluke. If they didn't see any more decelerations, there was still a chance that we would be able to go home on Saturday. No such luck...

With a few more decelerations on Friday and 4 over a 6 hour period on Saturday morning, the high risk pregnancy doctor didn't feel comfortable with the information they had. She wanted to see more data. They did admit that they weren't sure if it was "normal" or not. It is not common that a woman at 25-26 weeks is on 24 hour baby monitoring. So for all they know, it is caused by the position of the baby, possibly pinching the umbilical cord, and it isn't a big deal. But the ruling was that I would be monitored for another 24 hours. If the decelerations decreased in frequency...and baby looked good in another ultrasound on Sunday morning...there was a chance that I could go home on Sunday.

Having both monitors on was a little more of a pain than just the one. It meant that there were two cords that I had to unplug each time I got up to go to the bathroom. And two cords that I had to plug back in and reset. It also meant that I wasn't going to sleep very well because every time the baby moved and left the range of the monitor, the nurse would come in to readjust the monitor. Let me tell you...there is nothing like waking up to a nurse that comes in and wakes you up by adding more goop to the monitor pad and rubbing it all over your abdomen until she found the heart beat again. My favorite part was when she told me that there was no need for me to do anything to help and that I should just try to keep sleeping. Yeah...I am sure that most anyone can sleep with a stranger rubbing a plastic disk around your entire belly. It is not awkward AT ALL!.

Day 10 in the hospital started as they all had. I woke up around 7am and patiently waited for the nurse to come in. She did and completed the normal checks. All was good so far. Around 9:15, Dr. Francois came in and said that she felt confident that the decelerations were just because of position and as long as the baby looked good, she would feel good about me going home. I withheld any excitement. I didn't want to get my hopes up. After all...10 days ago I was admitted for 24 hour monitoring. She left us to wait for the ultrasound.

Within a half hour the orderly was there to take me down to the ultrasound. This was my fourth ultrasound in 10 days. The 3rd one that I had had in the hospital. However, this is the first time that I wasn't taken by gurnee. I actually got to ride in a wheelchair instead. In my first entry of this blog, I spoke of the horrible feeling I had having to sit in a wheelchair. But by day 10 and a couple field trips by gurnee...a wheelchair didn't seem so bad.

Don, the tech, is a super nice man who made every effort for us to see the screen, and explain what he was doing and what we were seeing. His assignments; 1) measure my cervix...still 1.5 centimeters. CHECK! 2) Measure the fluid in my uterus...still looking good. CHECK! 3) Do a Doppler reading (yep...like the weather) of the baby's heart and the umbilical cord. He thought it looked good...but he wasn't 100% sure what the flow level was supposed to be for a baby at this stage...so it wasn't something we could check off yet. We were taken back up to our room to continue the waiting game.

Just before noon, our nurse came in. She had a big smile on her face when she told me that she shared the results with the doctor and I was being released to go home. It would still take a while to get the paperwork together. But it would also take a little while to pack up all the stuff in the room that had made our temporary residence a little more home-y. About 2:30, the nurse came in with my release papers, the list of things to watch for and respond to if they should happen, and my marching orders for bedrest at home.

By about 2:45 I was in the passenger seat of my car and Nick was driving us home...

Thanksgiving in the Hospital

Doesn't the thought of turkey and mashed potatoes from the hospital cafeteria sound delicious? Well...lucky for us, we didn't have to eat it. We had great friends who brought us much better, homemade alternatives. From Kristen...pumpkin pie and some enchilada casserole a couple days later. From Jen and her mom...baked ziti and some munchies. From Tim & Malela...roasted lamb, taziki sauce, pita bread and these yummy spinich & feta pastry things. It was really good. And yet...I was still in the hospital.

I was under 24 hour monitoring for contractions. They were being well managed through the intake of Motrin and Progesterone. A couple here and there...but nothing to be concerned about. A couple times a day the nurses would come in and take the usual reading of my vitals and put a monitor on the baby. Listening to the heart beat is music to my ears. Everything was looking good, however the doctors wanted to continue monitoring me until I reached 26 weeks. The goal was to go home on Saturday...9 days after being admitted. And yet...we had been told that even once we were released to go home, bedrest would continue from home for the duration of my pregnancy.

In the hospital we did what we could to make the best of it. Nick went back to our place and got many things to make it as home like as possible. Movies, books, magazines, candles, clothing, a comfy blanket, snacks, ultrasound pictures of our little one, games, lotions and other toiletries from home. We were making the best of it. Our days consisted of reading, a little computer time, a little TV time, an occassional game of Scrabble or Cribbage, of which I rarely won (nope...Nick apparently wasn't going to take pity on me :)). Other than the timely visits from the nursing staff every 3 hours, the sporatic visits from friends, and our one adventure down to the first floor to get an ultrasound on day 3, it was pretty much just Nick and I killing time.

Fighting boredom has been tough...but we found things to do. I think the greatest challenge is coming to grips with the fact that this is not what I pictured my pregnancy being. I wanted to be the cute, go-getter, professional pregnant lady, who did yoga and got prego photos and got a casting of my big belly. I had several trips and special events to attend, that I was no longer going to be able to attend. A social and driven person like myself could go crazy in a situation like this. Hence the reason for starting the Blog. Perhaps this is a way that I can process, vent, find an outlet for my new reality.

One of the best things about being on bedrest so far is the daily foot rubs that my husband has been giving me. I won't complain about that! This can't be easy on him...and yet he finds the energy to rub lotion into my rough, dry feet. He is a giving man...